The Walking Dead: The Catholic necrophilic orgies are the craziest show on the Croatian Radio Television

The amount of tolerance that we demonstrate towards the Catholic church is amazing and really mesmerizing. There is nothing that we are not able to forgive when it comes to the Church. In the worst case, we are willing to find a way to explain and justify what the Church is doing: “They do it because … They do not know what they are do… God, my brother! God!”.

By Hrvoje Marjanović
Wednesday, 04/13/2016. 20:00

The article was taken with the permission of the editorial board of the portal Index.hr

 

Before the next time we engage in mass bafflement over the British and the circus attraction that they call the “royal wedding” or in making fun of Americans who experience fake orgasms by watching fake wrestling fights, we should first recall April 13, 2016.

On that day, we followed a live TV transmission of necrophilic orgies. We watched the gathering of the leadership of the Catholic Church in Croatia, tens of thousands of believers of all ages, and one long-dead saint – the event itself was broadcasted by the national television, which recognized its great importance.

Instead of “Croatia Live”*, we got a new spin-off – “The Travelling Dead”.

The Croatian Church accentuated that the interest for the event was huge, Franciscans announced that at least 90 buses of pilgrims would visit the event, atheists and other worshipers of Satan were upset because the Croatian National Television suspended the news show “Croatia Live” for a day (albeit on a Television that nobody watches anymore), while the Croatian people witnessed the events unfold in disbelief.

Let us continue. St. Leopold Bogdan Mandić died in 1942, and his NON-DECOMPOSED BODY arrived to Zagreb, where he will continue to rest (but not in peace) by the altar in Dubrava.

If you, at some point, wondered why anyone in their right mind would keep a non-decomposed body of anyone (regardless of their identity – a Capuchin, a saint, a Russian revolutionary, and regardless of the location – Moscow, Padua, or Dubrava), there is no right or correct answer. Even if there was a right answer, it is impossible to justify any word which follows “I stuffed this man because…”

Even when your cat proudly brings a corpse of a freshly killed bird to your doorstep, you probably chase it away with a broom, reprimanding it for the mess it made – in spite of the fact that you are fully aware that the animal does not know any better. But, when the Church playfully displays a corpse at your doorstep – you can count on Siniša Kovačić** to cancel everything else and to urgently send cameras to the location.

The amount of tolerance that we demonstrate towards the Catholic church is amazing and really mesmerizing. There is nothing that we are not able to forgive when it comes to the Church. In the worst case, we are willing to find a way to explain and justify what the Church is doing: “They do it because … They do not know what they are do… God, my brother! God!”.

 

A Weekend at Leopold’s

Fra Jure Šarčević, the Provincial of the Croatian Capuchin Province, bragged that the body was superbly preserved. He did so just in case, to stop us from accidentally mistaking the saint in the glass coffin for a decomposing walker from “The Walking Dead”.

Because that would be sick.

And this is super healthy.

If you are looking for another big difference between science and religion, look no further. It’s not like any of us particularly care what someone will do with our remains once we pass away, but those among us who leave their bodies to science pass on with the belief that their death was not in vain, because one day they could contribute to a great discovery or cure deadly diseases. If nothing else, one can donate organs and save the life of a seriously ill sick person.

On the other hand, when you leave your body to the Church, it also ends in the hands of sick persons, but these sick persons will put you in a glass box and parade you around like you’re a bearded lady or an elephant-man.

And you cannot be sure that they will stop there, because if they think of something else which strikes them as interesting, they could do it – they could stuff you and place you in front of a church, equipping you with a mechanism that makes you whistle and wink to passers-by every time they activate the sensor.

So, the next time a believer says that gay parades are sick, perverted, or unnecessary in your presence, remind him of the parade during which thousands of people wandered around with a corpse. The reason behind it? They love it really much.

However, there is nothing better than watching all of this on TV, because looks aimed at the sky, curios faces of old women with rosaries, and a narrator silently explaining the scene grant a different dimension to the event.

The crowd, gathering around the open coffin in order to take a good photo of the preserved corpse that they will publish on Facebook and get at least fifty likes. And all this while the choir morbidly sings, and while Archbishop Bozanić, dressed in golden vestments, laments about life and death in the sickest sequel to the “Weekend at Bernie’s”.

 

Cardinal Bozanić’s Traveling Circus

If you watched the event through the eyes of the faithful, you saw a ceremony in honor of a great (though not physically large) man, whose body returned to its homeland after years of absence.

If you watched the event through the eyes of a common man and a zombie-movie enthusiast, you’ve seen the most avant-garde spin-off to the “The Walking Dead” series and, without doubt, the sickest new show on the Croatian Radio Television.

Are the members of the Croatian Radio Television at fault for relinquishing “Croatia Live”? Of course not. Fuck “Croatia Live”, this is “Croatia Now”, “Croatia Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow”, “Croatia Everything”. This is a billion times better and more realistic, and it deserves 100 reruns. To remind us 100 times that this is insane, but that it is treated as something plain and normal – just another ordinary Wednesday.

A reminder of the fact that Croatia is a country where the (politically) dead vote, create policies, and refuse to fuck off from public life in spite of being dead for fifteen, fifty, or more years. A square full of people celebrating the arrival of a traveling corpse of a one-armed dwarf saint through songs and a live TV transmission is all you need to know about us and about how little the word “normal” means.

Still, it is indicative of the Croatian Radio Television, which is slowly turning into Laudato TV, but we’ll get into that later.

 

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* A Croatian news show on the national television.

** The Acting Director General of Croatian Radio Television.